roman...

my son is the great magnum opus of my life.  i never saw the connection so clearly between God and man until he was put in my arms for the first time.  he changed me so vividly in that moment that i think, for the first time in my life, i truly understood what it meant in the verse that said, "greater love has no man..."  i would GLADLY give my life at any moment for that of my son's.

the first night he was with us, i was on morphine and feeling the excitement of new love.  there were a few moments that were more precious than others, like when he woke for a little while at midnight to try his luck at nursing.  my husband was asleep in the chair next to me while roman and i were falling in love.  i stared into his beautiful, fresh face, weaping quietly and tried to get him to latch on, but we weren't having an easy time at all.  the next few days were a whirlwind of pain. pain from my c-section, pain from trying to get him to latch properly, only to break his latch and try over again, and pain from emotional exhaustion from too many people coming and going and not giving my husband and i the much needed rest and bonding time with our son that we craved. 

roman had some pretty alarming issues at birth as well.  along with hydronephrosis, he also had huge hydroceles, and wasn't urinating which required him to wear a "bag" that would catch his urine to make sure his kidneys were operating correctly.  he was born with what the dr. referred to as one "fairly large" and one "fairly small" skin tag on his right ear which could have been an indication of hearing loss.  on top of it all, his circumcision went terribly awry and had to be revised when he was 7 months old.  a very long story short, everything turned out perfectly fine and there isn't even a scar on his ear from where the tag was removed.  i say all of this with the underlying intention to show how this taught me so much about the detailed love that God must have for us. 

roman was made in a petri dish.  after one failed ivf cycle, roman and about 9 siblings were brought to life thanks to the modern marvels of medicine and the ancient miracles of God.  the day came to transfer roman and his twin back into my body where they belonged.  the next day, i found out that no other embryos had survived to freeze.  2 weeks later, we found out that at least one made it and that i was pregnant.  4 weeks later, we saw one, perfect, beating heart.  9 months later, we met our baby.

in breast feeding alone, what i learned about God's nature was revolutionary.  i saw my poor boy starving in the hospital room.  the nurses would feed me this line about him not knowing what hunger was, but that was not true.  it was all he knew and it broke my heart.  the source to end his hunger was right there, in front of him, but he just didn’t get it.  i could see myself and my shortcomings in that.  God’s love is right there, in front of us, but we just can’t wrap our hearts around that truth sometimes and it breaks HIS heart so badly.

then, when we got it figured out, i was so overjoyed to see him being nourished and thriving just as the Lord is with us when we are delighting ourselves in Him. 

when Roman was a few months older, he tried sucking on his wrist and would occassionally hit his nose or chin and i would laugh at how sweet and cute he was in his little mistakes.  that, once again, pointed me back to the Lord and how He sees me.  He doesn’t look at me through a magnifying glass disappointed in me whenever i fail, He looks at me lovingly, smiles, and says, “that was adorable, not perfect, but a great attempt.”

i will never be able to wrap my head around what God did for us on calvary.  i will never pretend that for a moment i would trade my son's life for any one of you out there.  but i do know this, that in my selfish love for my son; my worldly, secular, not-even-close-to-what-He-feels-towards-us kind of way, i have experienced heaven brought down to earth and i know a love everlasting.

and ps - i am pregnant again.  au naturale...

toe to toe with bethenny frankel...

i'm not a big proponent of advertising or endorsing, but there are a few things i will put my stamp of approval on:

a nice pair of designer jeans,
victoria's secret underwear,
nutella,

and

'bethenny ever after'.

i hate to state the obvious, but we share the same name (with a slight variation), both have one baby, have the exact same post baby body (just kidding - that woman's body 2 weeks after giving birth was SICK! granted, her little peanut was all of about 5 lbs and mine was 9), and definitely have the same husband.

jason hoppy and larry mattacchione are the same man split between two bodies.  the similarities between my life and hers are uncanny.  i wish i was as motivated and filthy rich, but the plain truth is watching her, her emotions, her interaction with her husband, her talks with her shrink, and her dealings with her in-laws have me laughing and crying at the same rate. 

i love them together.  while she was the one with the fame and fortune before they met, she truly allows him to be himself and be her partner and i love that.  i love how dry and sarcastic she is while jason is sweet and kind and understanding.  i love that she is a mouthpiece for breastfeeding and raised awareness on how unbelievably hard it can be.  i cried when, in the first season, she was exhausted and overly emotional and raw while she tried to get bryn to nurse in the first few days of her life.  i love how they talk through her lunacy and can both recognize the madness of it all.  i love how she comes from small and he comes from large family settings and she is smothered at times.  i love how they have to learn that the only family they have now are bryn, jason, and bethenny and everyone else is "family of origin".  THEY ARE ME and i l-o-v-e them.

that is all.

it's what's for dinner...

...cabernet sauvignon and portabella risotto, bacon wrapped tenderloin, and a lobster tail...

it was time for a celebration, so i splurged on a meal that was super delicious.  i won't lie, it's extremely time consuming, but so yummy and fun to make, you won't mind!

menu items:

1. one lobster tail (butter and lemon go without saying on this one)

2. two cuts filet mignon

3. one package thinly cut bacon

4. one bag of white arborio rice

5. a TON of chicken broth (about 6 cups)

6. one pint of baby portabella mushrooms

7. bottle of cabernet sauvignon

8. wedge of parmesan reggiano

9. one shallot

mode d emploi:



wrap your tenderloin in 2 pieces of thin cut bacon, secured with toothpicks -

season on both sides with salt and pepper

slice remaining bacon into 1/4" pieces

chop shallot

chop baby portabellas

slice lobster tail in half length-wise

baste with mixture of drawn butter, garlic, and fresh lemon juice

sautee 1/2 of the baby portabellas and 1/2 of the shallot

(this will become a delicious sauce for your bacon wrapped tenderloin)

fry bacon

add about 1/2 cup of cabernet and reduce

in the pan you fried your bacon in, sautee the rest of the portabellas and shallot

then to that pan add your arborio rice to toast

once toasted, start adding broth little by little until your rice is tender

(you will use close to 6 cups of broth)

this will take up to an hour, so be patient.  it's worth the wait! 

while you are preparing the risotto, you can be doing the following steps:

have someone fire up the grill to medium-high

for the tenderloin:

i like my meat more on the medium-rare side so i grill for about 60 seconds per side and get an internal reading of 120-130 F

for the lobster tail:

grill flesh side down for 4-5 minutes until light grill marks appear

thinly grate your parmesan

continue to add broth to your rice mixture...

every once in a while, add some of that delicious wine as well as the broth..YUM!

once your risotto is tender, add the parmesan and fried bacon

mix until all is smooth and creamy

add some of that sauce to your filet mignon and bon appétit, mes amis!

 or

you could just eat this:

hmmmm...

so now that i have actually figured out how to (somewhat) make this thing look pretty and (somewhat) work it, i think i better give some background as to who i am and what makes me tick.

i'm bethany joy.  i'm married to this super, awesome, guy named larry and we have a super, awesome, son named roman.  my husband and i met in august, 1996 as undergrads and were married approximately 10 years later (yes, we had some growing up to do).  after a long struggle with infertility, we had our miracle boy in late october, 2009.  he has revolutionized our love and relationships with God and made life a much more wonderous place.

i'm sure that eventually i will open up about a.) why it took 10 years for my husband and i to get to the alter, and b.) what our struggles were in conceiving our son, but for now, let's just keep it friendly...

as i have a degree in english, i know too well the trappings of the english language and have therefore decided to only capitalize God's name (in all of its glorious renditions).  so, buzz off about it.

new and improved...

after a short, 7 month hiatus, i am back...the reason for the lapse in time; i forgot my user name, blog address, and all passwords.  so, there is something to be said for 'baby brain'.  here i am, starting from scratch, back after only one post...ever.

i deleted my previous blog because it just wouldn't have worked very well.  at the time i had a 9 month old, who has now mysteriously turned into a 16 month old.  i was hoping to impress my followers with tales of great cooking, funny new-mommy moments, and my adjustments to motherhood mixed with ocd, but i think this blog will end up being my catharsis.

enjoy.  i know i will...